I feel my last two blogs have been a little reflective and deep, therefore I figured I would post something a little more upbeat and positive as not all is bad in life…!
I work as a project manager for a large international business and I have recently started in a new part of the business, located in a different part of the UK and on a new project to me. The past two weeks have been a little slow, however I’m learning to appreciate the calm before the storm. From next week I will be full time in the new location and my new boss can be very demanding which will keep me busy :). I can’t wait to get stuck into the job, the new house, and discover the new local places. A fresh start for what will hopefully be a good career move and give me time for me.
I have recently finished a degree whilst working full time and I am wondering what to fill my spare time with now (and not just work) therefore here are a few of my thoughts:
-learn to play squash
-learn to cook
-keep up with running.
Now for the cleanse… this morning I deleted Facebook, Instagram and twitter and I am surprised I have lasted a full day!
I already think this is having a positive impact on my life, today I have had more focus at work without constant notifications popping up and the constant urge to refresh the page. I have spent time on the phone talking with friends rather than simply liking a post and I have spent time writing these blogs and reading others which is helping with some issues I have been trying to figure out. Weirdly, when you read that writing things down is supposed to help clarify things- it is right.
I have never done anything like this before and although sometimes it’s tricky to explain how you feel, especially when essentially you are talking to yourself, these blogs force you to find the words and are therefore a stepping stone to solving the problem.
So whether you are writing you yourself, an audience of 3 or an audience of 3 million, if you have something to write about, write it! The Likleyhood is that there is someone out there searching for an article just like the one you are about to write.
So I figured these blogs are actually a useful therapy tool for myself to think.
Whenever anything gets difficult to think about I block it out of my brain and concentrate on something, anything than the problem at hand. Why? I’m not sure yet, maybe a coping mechanism…but thinking about it now I’m not sure if this is actually one of the major causes of my current issues.
Throwing back to my ex, i always struggled to talk about how i was feeling, he was significantly better at it than I was and I just felt uncomfortable, got angry or laughed it off. On reflection, Suppressing my feelings lead me to one day saying enough is enough, exploding inside like a coke bottle that has been shook. Not facing these small issues or telling anyone meant they grew into a much bigger issue. This then leads to my cocoon phase.
Since realising this sequence only a few weeks ago I have been working on myself, trying to tackle issues and being more open with the people around me. It’s harder than I thought. I have since ended a two month relationship with someone who was near by perfect because I realised I need to face the issues of my previous relationships before committing to another… unfortunately I feel my decision was slightly out of the blue for the other person (as it was for I) and he no longer wants anything to do with me. Understandable maybe.
So the cocoon phase… What is it?
Usually happening after doing something I found really difficult. Another of my coping mechanisms maybe. I don’t want to talk about the issue (but I do inside, I just can’t face the thought), I feel completely at a loss (usually meaning I hang around my mum or sister for some company hoping they notice what’s up) and my anxiety is on another level…
Current situation – cocooning.
Difference this time around- trying to tackle those feelings whilst cocooning.
Update you soon …
2018 started with the end of my three and a half year relationship… something in which I thought was a long time coming from my perspective. I think as a young twenty something young female I found myself wanting more excitement and passion in life. Not only that, but I was confused as to why I didn’t want the whole ‘settling down’ thing anymore with this person I loved.
With that, I ended it and that weekend went out with my sister for a drink… or 6. Long story short… 2 months later I was in the throws of a relationship with another man 13 years older. Shit. That wasn’t supposed to happen. Anyway, as you all probably guessed, I thought he was it for the most part, the person I was going to stay with… apparently all I needed was an older guy… wrong. As soon as I found out my ex was dating a girl I knew, I fell to bits, it caused issues in my current relationship and ultimately lead to me ending it and hurting someone else.
So, for a first blog I realise this is a little much so I’m going to stop there and just leave you with what I learnt in the first 3 months of 2018:
1, jumping straight into another relationship might distract you from the hurt in the first instance but it will catch up with you at some point when you least expect it. Take your time and distract yourself with friends and family not guys and more complicated feelings.
2, family know you best. Ask them their thoughts, a lot of the time they say out loud what you are scared to yourself and it makes it easier to face.
3, it’s bloody hard to end relationships, if someone has only ever been the one being finished then please do not think the one ending it is having an easy ride…
Thanks for joining me! I have never done anything like this before… and may not be any good at it, but here goes…. a young professional female in her twenties just getting her thoughts down on ‘paper’. Juggling relationships, a career, friends and fun and hoping to share the ups and downs of life as I know it 🙂
Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton